(no subject)

So I've been a part of fandom for a few years, and I've specifically been a part of the NCIS fandom for about four years. I joined the NFA - an NCIS fanfiction site - and quickly made friends with so many wonderful and creative people.

Today I found out that one of those people - a woman who was one of the most kind and welcoming people I've ever known - had passed away this week. And I'm stunned. She was someone I considered myself very close to (even if we've never met) and someone who always put a smile on my face. She was a talent writer, a great friend, and one of the most hardworking moderators on the board.

She wasn't young. She wasn't even the first person from this community to pass away. And yet I still feel like it's a mistake, like she's really still alive. I can't stop crying over it and it's hard to really talk to someone about it because I feel like it sounds so silly. I mean, this was someone I knew over the internet. How did I manage to make such a close connection with her?

Furthermore, I know that she didn't really have any family (parents and sibling are dead and she didn't have a spouse or children) and I so I can't stop wondering who is making the arrangements? Who is making sure she is getting a proper burial? I'm sure it's whomever contacted our community to let us know...at least I hope it is. I just feel like I want to do something to make sure she gets a burial and that people show up to honor her.

I hadn't even talked to her for a while since I had been a bit more absent from the community these past couple of weeks and now I feel like I should have been there more.

I only hope she knew how much she meant to be and the others in the community.